Sometimes, theres just the pen and paper to listen

so, abt two days ago, hayden and i ended our relationship. he got ridiculously controlling. and i couldn’t handle it.

i didnt do anything to make him think he needs to have me under his wing like a little kid. i dont mess with other guys, go places with other ppl and i ususally tell him. i ask before i talked to another guy. i REALLY REALLY didn’t want to mess this up, but it turns out, i didn’t. he did.

i hate break-ups they sucks, and i feel guilty for not feeling guilty. and im not sad abt it, is that bad. i mean i have sympathy, but we weren’t happy, and we were basically forcing things to be right between us. thats not how a relationship should be. my friends told me when we dated for the second time, that it was a mistake…i dont really think it was a mistake, i just think we went about it in the wrong way.

and the worst part is, he thinks that i dont care about him. i do care about him, i want to be his friend. i want him to be able to talk to me still, but honestly, i dont think thats going to happen. it sucks.

so, just because your parents/guardians go out of town, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to leave to house every chance you get…

its a long story, but you get the jist (sp?), right? well either way, i got grounded for this weekend, which i totally dont mind, because i deserved it.

ON THE PLUS SIDE…my aunt was rad and let me go to graduation last night :’(
it was sooooo sad. and it sucks, cause the girl thomas left me for, is now one of my good friends, and she’s just talking normal girl talk with me, but she ALWAYS talks about him, and she has a bf, and he has a gf, and i miss him…and i hear her constantly talking about him (because they’re all bff now and he barely talks to me) and when i have something to say about him, like a conversation we had or, a message i got, she always has a story to out do mine. and it sucks. like for example at graduation, he barely said two words to me, and he called her after graduation to talk about things. I ACTUALLY DATED HIM, she just “talked” to him.

stupid little stuff like that hurts me alot, and it gets me thinking. and im not sure why.
i dont know if i get too attached to people, if i care to much, or if im just to worried about what other people think. DX (mad smiley face)  and not to lie, but i get jealous. and i dont like that feeling

please help?

the seniors last day was friday.
im autophobic, so…i have a REAL hard time saying goodbye to people, and on friday…
i had to say goodbye to some of my closest friends, a guy i once loved, and people that
have changed my life for the better. i’ll see them on thursday (graduation)
but, thats not how i want to see them.

im proud of all of them, i really am. i just hate to see em’ go.
they have provided me with some memories that’ll never be forgotten.
i get too attached to people. maybe thats what makes everything so difficult sometimes.

…sieze the day?

im not so much for this “saying”. sure dont talke things for granted, but everyday isnt meant to be learned from. not to me anyways. i learn something new everyday, but i learn most from my mistakes. this probably doesnt make sense to you, but im not ssure how else to word it.

ps. ilovethisguynamedhayden<3

((lame to the max)). yesterday was fun! hayden got to come over =) that made me happy! and then we went to the mall, and i bought skinny jeans and a blue slim fit tee! i cant wait to wear them! you should go check out my myspace and listen to my playlist, because it will make you smile : )

myspace.com/91650509

sooooo theres a show tonight at Davis Park in downtown chas. and in kinda excited to go. its a benefit concert : )
which makes it that much cooler! so, im pretty much rambling on about whatever comes to mind, so im gonna end this right here!

I want you to know
With everything, I won’t let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go

Thoughts read unspoken
Forever and now
And pieces of memories
Fall to the ground
I know what I didn’t have so
I won’t let this go
‘Cause it’s true
I am nothing without you

On the streets, where I walked alone
With nowhere to go
I’ve come to an end

I want you to know
With everything, I won’t let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go

In front of you’re eyes
It falls from the skies
When you don’t know what you’re looking to find
In front of you’re eyes
It falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find
What you will find
What you will find
What you will find
What you will find

I don’t want this moment to ever end
Where everything’s nothing, without you

I want you to know
With everything, I won’t let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go
I want you to know
With everything, I won’t let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go