Sometimes, theres just the pen and paper to listen

“Can we please just walk away?
It could be… It could be…
Like we never knew each other at all.”
      –Chiodos “Intensity in Ten Cities”

PARAMORE “Hello Hello”

Hello, hello?
Is anyone home?
Hello, hello?
Just pick up the phone

I opened up my life to you,
I told you everything I knew,
You listened so closely to,
You listened so close when love was just a way out
But you’re going deaf now,
Yeah you turned your head around,

Hello, hello?
Is anyone home?
Hello, hello?
Just pick up the phone,
You’ll be sorry to hear,
I’m doing fine now,
Sorry to hear,
You’re without me now

You blew up the world I built for us,
Destroyed our secret universe,
Threw out the trust I, put in you,
Making me feel like I’d been used,
And now I’m reminded,
That I was just blinded,

Hello, hello?
Is anyone home?
Hello, hello?
Just pick up the phone,
You’ll be sorry to hear,
I’m doing fine now,
Sorry to hear,
You’re without me now

I’m doing fine,
You’ll be alright,
Maybe you’ll think of me tonight,
You’re doing fine,
And I’ll be alright,
Just give me time, yeah

Hello, hello?
Is anyone home?
Hello, hello?
Just pick up the phone,
I don’t wanna hear,
You’re doing fine now,
Don’t wanna hear,
I’m without you now

I’m without you now,
I’m without you

WHY? the paramore song reminds me that you have to be strong
sometimes. and that doing what you think is best, may not be best
for the other person, but its whats best for you. if you’re the kind of
person that cares for other people more than yourself, this goes to show
that its okay to take time to care for you too.

so, abt two days ago, hayden and i ended our relationship. he got ridiculously controlling. and i couldn’t handle it.

i didnt do anything to make him think he needs to have me under his wing like a little kid. i dont mess with other guys, go places with other ppl and i ususally tell him. i ask before i talked to another guy. i REALLY REALLY didn’t want to mess this up, but it turns out, i didn’t. he did.

i hate break-ups they sucks, and i feel guilty for not feeling guilty. and im not sad abt it, is that bad. i mean i have sympathy, but we weren’t happy, and we were basically forcing things to be right between us. thats not how a relationship should be. my friends told me when we dated for the second time, that it was a mistake…i dont really think it was a mistake, i just think we went about it in the wrong way.

and the worst part is, he thinks that i dont care about him. i do care about him, i want to be his friend. i want him to be able to talk to me still, but honestly, i dont think thats going to happen. it sucks.

so, just because your parents/guardians go out of town, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to leave to house every chance you get…

its a long story, but you get the jist (sp?), right? well either way, i got grounded for this weekend, which i totally dont mind, because i deserved it.

ON THE PLUS SIDE…my aunt was rad and let me go to graduation last night :’(
it was sooooo sad. and it sucks, cause the girl thomas left me for, is now one of my good friends, and she’s just talking normal girl talk with me, but she ALWAYS talks about him, and she has a bf, and he has a gf, and i miss him…and i hear her constantly talking about him (because they’re all bff now and he barely talks to me) and when i have something to say about him, like a conversation we had or, a message i got, she always has a story to out do mine. and it sucks. like for example at graduation, he barely said two words to me, and he called her after graduation to talk about things. I ACTUALLY DATED HIM, she just “talked” to him.

stupid little stuff like that hurts me alot, and it gets me thinking. and im not sure why.
i dont know if i get too attached to people, if i care to much, or if im just to worried about what other people think. DX (mad smiley face)  and not to lie, but i get jealous. and i dont like that feeling

please help?

the seniors last day was friday.
im autophobic, so…i have a REAL hard time saying goodbye to people, and on friday…
i had to say goodbye to some of my closest friends, a guy i once loved, and people that
have changed my life for the better. i’ll see them on thursday (graduation)
but, thats not how i want to see them.

im proud of all of them, i really am. i just hate to see em’ go.
they have provided me with some memories that’ll never be forgotten.
i get too attached to people. maybe thats what makes everything so difficult sometimes.

…sieze the day?

im not so much for this “saying”. sure dont talke things for granted, but everyday isnt meant to be learned from. not to me anyways. i learn something new everyday, but i learn most from my mistakes. this probably doesnt make sense to you, but im not ssure how else to word it.

ps. ilovethisguynamedhayden<3

((lame to the max)). yesterday was fun! hayden got to come over =) that made me happy! and then we went to the mall, and i bought skinny jeans and a blue slim fit tee! i cant wait to wear them! you should go check out my myspace and listen to my playlist, because it will make you smile : )

myspace.com/91650509

sooooo theres a show tonight at Davis Park in downtown chas. and in kinda excited to go. its a benefit concert : )
which makes it that much cooler! so, im pretty much rambling on about whatever comes to mind, so im gonna end this right here!

I want you to know
With everything, I won’t let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go

Thoughts read unspoken
Forever and now
And pieces of memories
Fall to the ground
I know what I didn’t have so
I won’t let this go
‘Cause it’s true
I am nothing without you

On the streets, where I walked alone
With nowhere to go
I’ve come to an end

I want you to know
With everything, I won’t let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go

In front of you’re eyes
It falls from the skies
When you don’t know what you’re looking to find
In front of you’re eyes
It falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find
What you will find
What you will find
What you will find
What you will find

I don’t want this moment to ever end
Where everything’s nothing, without you

I want you to know
With everything, I won’t let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go
I want you to know
With everything, I won’t let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go

Prom was so much fun! Everyone was having a blast! Corey said his senior prom, was one he’ll never forget, and I’m glad I could be apart of it. It meant to so much to me to be spending this one event that they will remember for ever with some of my best friends. The seniors this year (well, the ones im close to) welcomed me with open arms. they leave really soon and im going to miss them a whole lot.

MEMORIES!

• thomas’ party; cut foot open.
• Cinderella with chelsea chelsea sara and shannon
• going to ohio to see paramore with thomas and hamza
• going to huntington various times to see bands perform
• party at saras house
• staying the night at thomas’ house
• slurpee malfunction (first date with thomas)
• falling in love with the band aniston
• rachels bday party
• sears!!! lmao
• getting the nickname bambii!!!!
• having my first REAL relationship in 3 years

  there were so many good memories this year. I dont want to see them go, but its life, i’ll be at WVU with them in abt 2 years. so, its just something to keep me motivated. I love every single one of them. they changed my life for the better, and the class of 2008 is a class i’ll never forget!

one thing has to go right. tonight is prom night! im going with my friend corey.
my mom called me last night and said that she couldnt/wouldnt pay for my dress.
and i was infuriated, i was so mad, i was speechless. but, the next morning rolls around (today)
and my aunt tells me that she has a dress that i could wear. so, we went out and bought my shoes, jewelry, and his boutineer (sp?). and eventually, it all came together…but within these past two days, it seemed like i had been to hell and back.

but i def, learned something from this. patience is definatley a virtue. and things arent goning to always go as planned. but even if they are not in your favor, they will work out, as best as they can.

there’s a guy named hayden. he pretty much holds my heart in the palm of his peruvian hands (yes, he’s peruvian). But no joke, this guy is amazing. we have the classic love story. we date, fall in love, he breaks my heart. but theres a twist to the happily ever after…it’s been three months since we broke up. BUT, we still talk everyday, and we’ve gone through the “let’s just be friends” stage…niether of us can find it possible to do so. when we are together, its only us (lame with an extra side of CHEESE) but seriously, he’s my everything. i cant see myself without him at this point. and i love him WAY too much to just let him slip out of my life.

AND I KNOW WHAT SOME OF YOU ARE THINKING.
and you shouldn’t judge.
you dont see how happy he makes me when he’s around me.
you dont know how it feels when he hugs me…you just dont.
he means the world plus 20 millionbajillion to me. and i dont wanna lose him. ever.